Backwards

I have to admit. I've been a rebellious child tonight. I spent several hours on the piano practicing the first two pages of Moonlight Sonata. I even felt like throwing a tantrum about why I couldn't do this full time. If I could go back in time and start all over again, I would go to school for music.

What surprises me though is that although my father and his side of the family are primarily all musicians, music didn't come naturally for me the way painting did, which comes from my mom's side. Singing was certainly not a natural or easy gift for me. Neither were rhythms. But why is it that I wound up taking voice lessons at age 23, after all? And why is it that the older I grow, the more passionate I am becoming about music. Why is it that although I've taken a few piano lessons here and there since I was a child, now 33, I feel a crazy obsession and almost adoration for the piano?

Why am I so f'n backwards? Although I do feel blessed for this gift, I'm realizing this curse I have of being, living or growing so f'n backwards.